The most interesting part in a bus journey, for some people, is feeling the wind on their face while travelling. For some, it is the roadside scenery that they get to see. For some, it is the nap. For some, it is conversations with strangers. For some - the movie (in video coaches).
For me - none of the above. I prefer dreaming with my eyes open.
The wind on my face - that is a problem. First of all, the wind does not restrict itself to a 2 dimensional circle shape and caress my face alone. It encompasses the entire head and whips my hair around. It gets tangled and messy. Now you may imagine me with an absolutely displeased expression - inverted U-shaped mouth and narrowed eyebrows. That is how painful it is for me to even imagine messy hair. If there is something girly about me, it is the fuss I make about my hair. It has to always be neatly combed. One can never find me in an "out-of-bed" hairdo. Ever. When I see someone with uncombed, tangled hair, I feel like fishing out a comb from my bag and smoothing it out. Apparently, I have a calling for that kind of social service. So, needless to say, I always wear a scarf when I am not travelling in a completely covered vehicle with the windows rolled up.
A nap in the bus - never. There are some people who can sleep anywhere, anytime. Not me. I am like those FB forwards that are popular these days - a scared-to-close-eyes-in-the-shower kind of person. Also, what if someone put a mosquito in my mouth when I am asleep? What if a lizard falls in? Since I have travelled more in India only, I have been exposed to such unwanted but omnipresent insect population in the bus. What if a cockroach went for a walk on my hand and I never knew because I was asleep? Most importantly, what if someone stole my wallet which had my ID card and Rs.5? (Yes I was the "porathuku bus pass irukku" type of girl). Even during school tours, I used to be the only person awake in the bus. It was not because I was paranoid in the school bus with my friends. People had built up a reputation that I was the girl who never slept in the bus. I had to maintain that. Peer pressure.
Video coaches are interesting. If the bus driver likes black and white movies, it is fun. I love MGR movies. They are so much fun and contain excellent rofl worth material. If you don't watch B&W movies, try one. Start with this. Arjun and Gaptun movies are always janaranjaka (entertaining). What I cannot take are Vijay movies. Shabba! All that noise and shouting! Kanna, there is something called volume button, we will make use of it if we want to hear you better, please don't shout in my ears. My worst experience was once when I got into a bus in Coimbatore in the evening. I hadn't eaten lunch. It was a 5 hour journey and the movie of the day was Selvaraghavan's Kadhal Konden. By the time that depressing movie was over, due to hunger and the negativity in the movie, I felt like throwing up. I never traveled in a video coach after that.
My greatest sore point about bus travel was, is and I guess, will always be - conversations with strangers. Anyone who has read my posts must have gathered by now that I am not a normal person. I identify the weirdest things to worry about and spot the silliest things to laugh at. If someone with droopy eyes sits near me, I worry when they would fall asleep and when their head would start falling on my neck. I even plan how to shift their head away and scan the bus to see if there are any other free seats with people who look wide awake. Now if they are awake - that presents various other interesting possibilities.
The first kind of people are those who do not talk. I like them, but they eat - throughout the journey. In addition to the constant roar of the bus, one can hear a noise that reminds you of a cud chewing cow near your ear. Annoying. Very. If that is annoying, the furtive glances they shoot at you and the way they crouch around their food is annoying to the superlative degree. I feel like standing up and taking an oath to assure the lady that I will never covet her greasy vazhakka (raw plantain) bajji.
Some people set their minds on the impossible task of making me talk. I am a listener. Conversation is something I prefer to listen to. These people don't understand that. What do you do? Where are you going? Do you have a job? What are your parents doing? Are you going to get married? Do you have a boyfriend? Sometimes I just give them a smile in return for every question. Sometimes, I play along. I invent a whole new person. I try out all the names that my parents could have given to me instead of this one. I try out different professions for my mother. Sometimes, she is a doctor. Sometimes she is a housewife. I sometimes have 2 elder brothers, one working as a police officer, if the person near me seems shady.
And then there are those who talk. On their phone.
"ALooo! Aan..Sollungaaa...Kekudhaa??? Na nalla irken...Aven epdi irkyaan? Veetuku vandaana?" * maximum volume * - I know I can never sleep even if I want to. In fact, no one in the bus can.
"Hi" * giggles * "Hmmmm..." "Hmmm....?" "Hmmmm...!!!" * giggles * "Mmhmmm..." * Looks at me and looks away * "Mmhmm..." * giggles * - This is when I get mild headache.
"Hel-Hello..Can you hear me?" "How can they do that? Tell them they have to pay up immediately" "This side 1 crore turn over, that side 1 crore turn over" "Next month Delhi program" - Mild laughter begins in my head.
"Hello? Yes" * listens for 3 seconds * "Not interested" * hangs up * "Cha, who wants their credit card? This is one headache!" - I bestow a look of camaraderie.
"Hello Dubai ah?" - Intense laughter in my head. I exert maximum self control to keep a straight face. Such phone calls are made to UK, US and European countries too, smack at midnight or in the early morning hours for those folks, if they are not imaginary.
But when it is a Wednesday afternoon and you are in an AC bus, you get the window seat and there are not many people in the bus. It is not a video coach. That journey is bliss. Bus journeys can be fun, only the timing and ambiance has to be perfect.
